zonkler the destroyer
Bio[]
Originally a juicy boy, now he is reduced to a juicy man. when he doesn't have his protein he gets grumpy umpy. but when he does he is like similar to power to duke of Erisa. he likes to go on long walks with his felnor wife, Margret. they usually go on walks at the beach but some times they walk at the basketball park. me-wow! is that the latest in felnor fashion?. he also has a trans gender son named Stephen king. his real name as of 2024-11-12 is greg. sometimes he gets name changes though so watch out; don't write his information down it will be null and void.
Powers/Weapons[]
zonkler the destroyer chooses not to use weapons. he is so strong he can simply use his will to erase anything he wills. this means he is the meta pick and more powerful than sonic.exe .
Movelist[]
Special Moves[]
- zonkler boomerang - greg spins at you. and you die. and your body parts fall off.
- Dancer - zonkler pulls out a shitty ass crusty flip phone from the 90s and calls the nearest strip club (the nearest strip club being determined by this formula: x = -b +- sqrt( b^2 - 4ac) / 2a where x is the stripclub, b is the amount of hookers in the building, a is the amount of African Americans in the building, and c being 1 or 0 depending if the building has passed a safety inspection. the highest number is considered the "closest".)
- Throw - zonkler grabs his opponent, lifts a finger to his/her mouth and whispers, "Shhhh..." before passionately making out with each other french style. if your opponents character is female, this move only deals half damage since zonkler is married and woulden't really make out with another woman since he is loyal.
Super Move[]
- 2003 stock market crash - this move is always available, despite being a super move. executing it will instantly kill your opponent; it bypassing parries and blocks, aswell as Forodo's "rings of power" super move that makes him temporary invincible.
Intro[]
- zonkler walks nonchalantly into frame.
Win[]
- zonkler takes off his pants and starts vigorously masturbating.
lose[]
- zonkler cannot lose, as if his health bar drops to zero or close to zero a file named scrungusfart.bat will open your computer which will keep opening itself until your computer crashes. speculation exists on what the lose animation would look like for zonglo the destroyer, but data miners have found the sound clip that is used for his death sound.
Win Quotes[]
- "I hit 'cause I care!"
- "UHOH! 🥴🥴🥴 Somebody call 9️⃣-1️⃣-1️⃣because it’s the anniversary 💍of one of the worst 😥tragedies 🏢🏢in modern🔮 American 🇺🇸 history📜📜📜. On this day 7️⃣ years ago Texas 🤠 Senator 🕴️ Ted Cruz shared stepmom 🤰🤰 incest 🧑🤝🧑 porn 🎥 to 3️⃣ million🤑 followers on Twitter🐤🐤. He denied 🙅❌ it and threw a staffer 🥺 under the bus 🚌🚌, but real patriots 🦅🇺🇸 know he is a dommymommy 👩👩 gooner 🥵💦 pervert 😏. Send this to 9️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ of your horniest 🦄🦄🦄 hombres 🤠🤠 or you’ll be a disgrace 🤪🤪 to the US Senate🏛️ forever ♾️ "
Arcade Mode[]
Intro[]
zonkler the destroyer needed cash. and right now. his wife margret recently bought a new car but diden't have enough money for the downpayment. luckly zonkler the destroyer found this stupid ass poster that promised some sorta fight club that pays out the big bucks. then he went there. will he earn the big bucks? tune in next time for another episode of dragonball z. maybe gohan will become the drink. fuck freeza btw. fucking twink. trunks is the drink. and vegeta is the cup, because he is his father.
Ending[]
after the event: zonkler the destroyer would retire, becoming a wealthy tencent ceo in the process. he and his husband margret would have another 5 transgender children before being killed in action during patrol in kubal, afganistan after they were ambushed by IMC forces. RIP 2717 july 15th.
Notes[]
- sometimes, when I pee it's red.
- zonkler is a real person, and if you delete this page he will come for you and kill you.
Theme Song[]
zonkler the destroyer themesong - https://youtu.be/aeFaj9mGIPs?si=M20qrPVS1DyiL8P5 [Tom Clancy's The Division Survival (Original Game Soundtrack) | Full Soundtrack] (yes it plays the entire thing)